A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. ‘My darring,’ he whispers, ‘I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – juss anyting [...]
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. “Tony, do you have a story to share?” “Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory [...]
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of [...]
Funny Technology Jokes. LOL. Ten reasons you know you’re living in 2011 and onwards 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses. [...]
STUPIDITY HAS NO LIMITS…!!! LOL !!!! Examples Of Stupid Questions that People Ask…. 1. When People see U Lying Down, … … With Ur Eyes Closed, they Ask: “R U Sleeping?” . (No! I’m Trying 2 Die?) 2. When It’s Raining & Some1 Notices U Goin Out, they Ask: “R U Going Out In this Rain?” . (No,In The Next 1.) 3. Ur Friend Calls on ur Landline: “Where R U?” . (At the Bus Stop!) 4. They See U [...]
HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITY OF INDIA : LOL Scenario 1 Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on. … That’s MUMBAI ———- — ——— ——— ——— – Scenario 2 Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting. You are definitely in PUNJAB !!! ———- — ——— ——— ——— – Scenario 3 Two guys are fighting and a third [...]
My Dear Love, Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you [...]
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient’s room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor. The patient replied in an irritated fashion, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” [...]
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.” Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 “I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.” The editor in charge of business books for [...]
A young Swedish woman, old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are riding a train… The train goes through a tunnel and it becomes pitch black in the car, a loud SMACK is heard… the train emerges from the tunnel and the Englishman is rubbing his cheek. The Swedish girl thinks “I bet he tried to grope me and accidentally got the old woman and she slapped him…” The Dutch woman thinks “He must have groped the Swedish girl [...]
a) Innovative b) Preliminary c) Proliferation d) Cinnamon Things that are VERY difficult to say when you’re drunk: a) Specificity b) British Constitution c) Passive-aggressive disorder d) Transubstantiate Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you’re drunk: a) Thanks, but I don’t want to sleep with you. b) Nope, no more booze for me. c) Sorry, but you’re not really my type. d) No kebab for me, thank you. e) Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight? f) [...]
There was a German, an Italian and an Irishman on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1. to be shot 2. to be hung 3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death. So the German said, “Shoot me right in the head.” Bang! (he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, “Just hang me.” (Snap, he was dead.) Then the Irishman said, “Give me some of that AIDS stuff.” [...]
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